When I got to the road was a mess- but the road is always a mess, this isn't news. As I walked out into the street I prepared to make my bold Italy-style move - It's the "I'm-walking-whether-you-like-it-or- not-while I- stare-you-down-and-dare-you-to-kill-me. I went out strong, all bluster and fake confidence, and then saw a scooter and a blue truck speed up like they were trying to pass each other and play chicken, horns blaring ("horn, ok, please"). So for the first time ever, I chickened out and hesitated one beat before I turned around to go back and wait where I came from for a better time to cross.
As I turned my back to traffic and changed direction I heard a horrible loud cracking sound. THWACK. It was awful, like the sound of screeching tires and crunching metal combined with the deep sonic thud of an earthquake. My only thought was "Oh no, I caused an accident, something terrible has happened to someone."
I was aware of the fact that I couldn't turn around to look because I was flying. Wait...what? Yeah, I was levitating ever so lightly off the ground, flying.As I soared up I was so struck by the gorgeous colors of the buildings I was flying by. I have never seen anything more beautiful. Terracotta tones like in Rome, and the sunlight was hitting them in such a beautiful way. The nature of light is different in India. Someday I'll find a way to explain it, but it's warmer, more yellows, or reds maybe. The result is everything is more vibrant, sharper. Here's a shot of the light in Rome in early winter which reminds me of the quality of light in India. Of course, I have no photos of my accident.
(kind of like Rome in winter,but the light was warmer, sharper with more glow)
So here I am...flying. The colors, the light, it's beautiful. I'm spinning and my perspective magically instantly shifts to 360 degrees around me. I'm moving exquisitely through space, slowly too.It's like time s l o w e d d o w n. Or maybe it's more accurate to say it stopped. I was operating outside of time.
I can see everything, every detail carved into every nook and cranny of the walls I'm flying by. The walls aren't smooth, they are textured. No idea why I'm flying. Thoughts like that don't matter at all right now. The only thing that matters is how this moment is just so unfathomably beautiful.I also have the sensation of being held so gently, so lightly, like an angel was steering my flight across the road.
I felt the opposite of fear, I felt loved in complete utter safety surrounding me on all sides.
And then I heard it with my ears, It was an ugly guttural thud. I heard it before I felt it,and suddenly I felt it and I realized all at once, it was me, I was hit in the back and now I was hitting the ground. It felt like my whole chest caving in at once. All the air went out woooomph. And I heard myself make a horrible sound. It was a guttural, slow, awful "huuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaahhh" as the wind was knocked out of me. If I walked by and heard someone make that sound I would think their soul had just painfully left their body. I was still making the sound way past the point when I decided to stop it at all costs. It wasn't in my control. With the unconscious sound came a piercing pain in my lower back, like my spinal cord was sliced in half. I hit the ground bumm first, and then thanks to ample padding in that area, I then I bounced up and on the second impact the back of my head rickashayed and smacked down on the pavement pretty hard twice. One, two. thwak, thwak.
And then it was over. The four seconds of enlightenment, that is.
My mind came rushing back online. Ugh. It's me, I was hit, I flew and I came back down. The joy and the beauty of those few moments quickly evaporated as I came to reality and realized what happened.
But if this is what it would feel like to die, sign me up. Those few moments were more beautiful than any others in my life, and my life has had so many beautiful moments. The following days have been so strange, because I'm hurt, walking is hard, everything is hard, but I'm haunted and seduced by the beauty of those moments. I keep reliving the moment of impact w/ the scooter and the the seconds of road flying that followed. I think those few second were the only moments of peace I've ever known in my lifetime. My "mind" hadn't caught up to make a story about my experience yet so I was just IN the actual moment and it was beautiful. Weird and creepy I know, but really magical and quiet beautiful. It was sort of otherworldly to be flying and spinning around. It's so weird to be alive. Honestly it was an amazing experience, it's the pain that follows after that sucks.
What's going on with me and my karma around injury?
